


Blue

by Tabbynerdicat



Series: Stripesverse [10]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, Who Killed Markiplier
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tabbynerdicat/pseuds/Tabbynerdicat
Summary: A helpless Anti turns up on Dark's doorstep, making him question the morality of their steadily evolving relationship.
Relationships: Darkiplier/Antisepticeye
Series: Stripesverse [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598143
Comments: 6
Kudos: 90





	Blue

When Dark opened the door to the Iplier manor, he hardly expected to see the sight that beheld him- it was quite late and he hadn't been expecting visitors, so when the doorbell rang he figured it was merely one of the Ipliers that had lost their keys. They were a rather forgetful bunch, it seemed- but that wasn't important now. Expecting to see Bim or Silver standing at the door, Dark had prepared a lengthy sigh of disappointment- only to gasp in brief alarm as his eyes settled on the newcomer.

"Anti?! What are you doing here, it's the middle of the-"

"I need..." Anti muttered hoarsely, tugging nervously at his hair like he always did when he was overwhelmed or stressed. "Need a p-place to stay..."

Dark had never seen a scene so pitiful. It was raining outside, just his luck- and the glitch he'd sent off mere hours ago had returned with what looked like a hastily packed suitcase and fresh blood cascading down his front.

_Lovely._

"What happened to returning home, Anti?" Dark sighed, folding his arms after the shock of seeing Anti wore off. "I make exceptions for you, I know, but _this_ is inappropriate-"

"They d-didn't... want me," Anti muttered lowly, shivering in the cold wet air. "I'm just... a bother to them… I c-can't live there, I _can't_..."

Dark frowned in concern, though he didn't budge from his position blocking the door. "Anti, this is no time to be cryptic- you can't just come to my door at four o'clock in the morning and expect me to take you in when you look as though you're running from the law."

"'M not..." Anti sighed, looking like he barely even had the strength to stand. "I just... w-why won't they ever listen to me? They s-say they want to be my f-friends, b-but... they don't t-trust me. They'll n-never trust me… and e-every time I..."

Anti stumbled slightly on the spot as he swayed, clearly dizzy- and Dark caught his wrist sharply before he could fall. Anti was cold as ice, and the rain hadn't stopped pouring- but even through the ghastly weather, Dark could see teardrops forming and running down Anti's pale cheeks.

Dark was the only person who'd ever seen Anti cry before, and he _knew_ what that meant. This was something a little more serious than just running away from home.

"Come in, Anti, you'll drown yourself standing out there..." Dark murmured softly, tugging Anti inside and summoning the few belongings he'd brought with him, closing the door behind them with a slow _creak_. The manor was quiet as it could ever be- of course, there was never a time where everyone was asleep at once. Wilford was awake upstairs, going through some old films he didn't quite remember seeing. Bim had left a few hours ago and hadn't yet returned, and the doctor had only just arrived home from working another night at the hospital. It may have been a trick of the light, but Dark could have sworn he'd been redder than usual.

Perhaps he'd finally grown the balls to ask Henrik out to dinner. Or maybe, he'd contracted an infection from one of his patients... Either way, Dark wasn't worried about him now, only concerned with making sure Anti's bare wet feet didn't drag too terribly on the carpet as they walked through the house.

"What happened to your shoes?" Dark questioned, summoning a towel to drape over Anti's shoulders, hoping it would help with absorbing the moisture.

Anti drew the towel closer around him, sheltering himself in its warmth- and he shivered deeply as he responded. "Not w-worth it... They were crowdin' the door, and... and so I j-jumped out a window instead,"

"You... Anti, are you stupid?!" Dark hissed, stopping suddenly and turning to stare incredulously at the smaller entity. "Your room is on the second floor above a _mountain_ \- were you _trying_ to get yourself killed?!"

Dark hated that while he'd asked that question rhetorically, there was every possibility that suicide had been Anti's intention all along. He should never have stepped in- he should _never_ have forced Anti to go back to a place he didn't feel comfortable in. What had he been thinking? He knew better than anyone that Anti was unstable and sensitive to what others thought of him...

"N-no..." Anti denied, shaking his head nonchalantly. "Not... this time. Just needed to get out, I needed to get _out_ , I-"

"Shh," Dark soothed despite himself, squeezing Anti's shoulder through the towel, realising that he probably needed to watch what he said around the younger ego in this state. He didn't know all of Anti's triggers, as much as he'd tried to learn them the last time Anti had broken down. But last time he'd been much more conscious- dangerous, making threats, pointing his knife at anyone that tried to calm him down as he struggled to breathe through his hallucinations.

This time, he just looked... defeated. Numb. _Indifferent_...

It wasn't a very good look on him, in Dark's opinion. He much preferred the sarcastic, bitchy attitude that Anti adopted usually, because at least it made him _look_ semi-happy. And as irritating as a hyperactive Anti could be, Dark found he greatly appreciated the brief distractions Anti could provide him on the rougher days.

"I understand."

Anti let out a shivering chuckle, a fake laugh that sent impossible chills down Dark's spine.

"N-no, you _don't_ …"

A brief pause. Dark let out a sigh, tugging Anti further along the hallway and wrapping an arm around his torso to help guide him up the stairs. Sure, he'd grown hardened and cold over the years, but he still had _some_ sense of decency. Anti needed his help, and he was more than capable of providing it- after all, he'd never say it aloud, but he cared quite deeply for the glitch.

"What can I do to make you feel better, Anti?" Dark asked softly, opening his bedroom door and leading Anti inside without hesitation. "Anything you want, I can provide… It will do neither of us any good to let you wallow."

Anti didn't respond at first, still stuck standing in place as he leaned against the wall for support. Dark frowned at that, tilting Anti's chin up so that he could look into those dull green eyes- usually so bright and fiery… what had happened to him? Had that magician done something to impact his strength? Had he gotten into a fight with the superhero he spoke so enviously of?

Anti seemed to look back at him, though his eyes were hardly even focused. He shivered suddenly, flinching away from Dark's touch.

"C-cold…"

"Of course," Dark breathed, biting his lip as he let Anti's head loll forward again. He was, for lack of a better word, concerned… it wasn't something he was fond of feeling. "I'll draw you a bath- please, sit on the bed and don't touch anything. I will only be a moment."

Anti nodded, feeling more than a little disoriented now. Perhaps it was all the blood he'd lost.... He was hardly aware of his own surroundings, and the world seemed to be spinning- lights flared up around him, reminding him of twisted magic, the searing heat _burning_ on his skin-

Anti winced at the reminder, conscious of the heavy breaths now falling from his lips as he struggled to walk to the bed. Every step felt like a heavy weight descending on the ground, every breath a battle. His vision swam and prickled, a fuzzy feeling creeping up over his neck, and he stumbled again, falling forward-

He caught himself on an armchair, letting out a wheeze- the lights were so blinding, so _intense_ , his ears ringing with the sound of high-pitched alarm bells, too much, too _much_ -

Unwittingly, he sobbed- loud and hoarse, losing his grip on the chair and crashing to the ground with a heavy _thud_. His mind was whirring, his head spinning, his chest about to explode- and the wound on his throat was weeping crimson all over Dark's bedroom floor…

He was vaguely aware of someone's hand touching his cheek, someone's voice calling his name… all he could see was light. Bright, blue light- shining from above him, wrapping around him as he found himself lifted from the floor.

_Is this how I die?_

"Anti! Anti, stay with me," Dark pleaded, sitting Anti upright on the bed and feeling his head for any lumps. He shouldn't have left Anti alone- he should have been more _careful_ …

"Don't go to sleep just yet, you need to stay awake… can you do that for me, Anti? Are you feeling well enough to sit? Do you need a bucket?"

Dark felt something hot and wet gush onto his back, grimacing in mild distaste as Anti started to sob into his shoulder. Blood mixed with bile ran onto the sheets, soaking them in- and it smelled _awful_ , but Dark knew he couldn't react with too much disdain. Anti was choking on the remnants of his own vomit, hands trembling as Dark wrapped them carefully around his waist.

"Ah…" Dark muttered, letting out a weary sigh. "Well, I suppose we both need to bathe now…"

"S-sorry," Anti croaked, coughing up more bloodied fluids, attempting to swallow them back down despite how it made his stomach turn. "I'm s-sorry, Dark, I didn't _m-mean_ to-"

"I hardly think you intended for that to happen, dear, don't fret…" Dark soothed, shrugging off his blazer and taking off his tie. "You're quite clearly not well, Anti… after we clean up, you'll be going _straight_ to bed, do you hear me?"

Anti mumbled his muffled agreement into Dark's chest, not seeming entirely there despite the rushed apologies still spewing from his lips. Unfortunately, this was a state Dark recognised all too well. Anti wasn't in his right mind. He was lost, and scattered, and emotional- much like someone Dark had used to be, in fact. 

Damien would know what to do here. He'd always been good at cheering people up when they were feeling blue, though Dark hadn't sought to do such a thing in a long while. But for Anti, he would try- he would _try_ to be pleasant company. It seemed that good company was the one thing Anti needed the most, right now...

Dark lifted Anti's weight easily, supporting him on their way to the en suite bathroom where a tub full of warm water was waiting for them. Dark tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper, followed by Anti's soaked through towel, and summoned two more towels to sit on the vanity. Turning Anti around, he checked to see if his eyes had grown any brighter- yet still, they were dull. _Vacant_.

Dark sighed once more, though he refused to admit defeat- Anti had gotten out of far worse situations before, he'd seen it. He could pull Anti out of the lethargic state he'd found himself in easily enough, _surely_...

"I do hope you're comfortable bathing while I'm present- I don't want you to faint and drown yourself,"

"Mhm…"

Seeing as Anti was finding it hard to stand upright, Dark let him sit on the toilet as he tugged Anti's shirt over his head, throwing it in the hamper. He hesitated a moment before undoing the buttons of Anti's jeans, knowing that the poor glitch was lacking the motor control he'd need to do it himself, yet still feeling worried about making him uncomfortable. He didn't want Anti to think he was taking advantage of him, after all- Dark was doing _nothing_ of the sort.

Anti, thankfully, didn't seem bothered by Dark's action. Still staring into space, dazed, he let Dark pull him up again and leaned on the other man's chest while his jeans were removed. His boxers soon followed, and there was a touch on his waist, someone guiding him carefully across the room.

"Would you be alright if I lowered you in myself? I don't want to chance you slipping."

Anti mustered the strength to nod, letting out a shuddering breath of resignation. It all _hurt…_ why did it hurt? Wasn't he meant to be above this? What kind of a villain felt such deeply-rooted nausea at the thought of rejection? What kind of person got so worked up over a misunderstanding? He was being pathetic, wasn't he? And now Dark was left to pick up the pieces of Anti's broken identity...

"Y-yeah…"

"Okay," Dark soothed, keeping Anti steady as he picked up the smaller man, carrying him bridal style and lowering him carefully into the tub. Anti hissed when the warmth enveloped his skin, clawing subconsciously at Dark's arms as tears rushed quickly to his eyes.

"No- n- _no_ , it hurts, it _burns_ , it's so h-hot, I-"

"Anti it's barely even warm," Dark tried to explain, but Anti didn't hear him. He was shaking, trembling- the surface of the water rippled and sloshed over the sides as Anti grew more restless. Seeing things that weren't there, hearing things that hadn't been said aloud...

"I d-didn't do anything, I didn't do it, I w-wasn't hurting anyone, I-I… stop it, _stop_ it…"

"Anti, _listen_ ," Dark urged, throwing all caution to the wind as he climbed into the tub, wrapping his arms around the stressed and worried ego he could never bring himself to ignore. "Listen, dear… it's just a hallucination. It _will_ pass."

The water lapped at Dark's shirt and trousers, sticking them uncomfortably to his skin, but he couldn't bring himself to complain aloud. Anti was still struggling feebly against Dark's relaxed grip, though he seemed to be calming down by the second- breathing slowly evening out from the rapid and uneven rhythm he'd had before.

"It will pass, Anti… focus on my voice. You can hear me, can't you? You can feel me…"

Anti let out another hysterical wheeze. "I-I…"

"Shh, don't speak…" Dark soothed, holding Anti close to his chest as he rubbed gently at his back. "Don't worry yourself… you're safe from judgment here. Nobody here is accusing you of anything, dear… you don't need to be so fearful."

_Why did I jump in like that?_

It was foolish, Dark knew it, and yet… seeing the effect he had on Anti when he'd rushed to his side, he didn't regret it at all. Anti _needed_ someone to help him through this, and though Dark knew that it was in his best interests to let the ego flounder, he couldn't bring himself to do so. He was heartless, and yet… perhaps he wasn't as heartless as he'd previously surmised.

_It's just an act of human decency..._

"Y-you're… thinking about making me leave, a-aren't you?" Anti muttered, the water surrounding him feeling like an intense tingling pressure on his skin. He was a little redder than before- shinier, and it wasn't just because of the blood. The slit on his throat had turned the bathwater pink and the colour was only deepening- staining Dark's pristine white shirt, _ruining_ his clothes...

Dark tried his best not to let on how offended he was that Anti would suggest such a thing. Was he really so unapproachable? Or was this just a by-product of Anti's apparent disturbia? Either way, Dark knew he had to answer- so he tilted Anti's face up again and stared into his eyes, just _hoping_ his words could get past the protective walls he was so familiar with.

"I'm not going to make you do anything, Anti… I'd never cast you out in a state like this, and I shouldn't have tried to send you home earlier. Clearly, I… I misjudged the situation entirely. I hope you can forgive me for that,"

Anti sniffed, folding his arms, sloshing bloodied water across the tub as he cried pitifully into Dark's chest. And Dark welcomed the embrace, and somehow… somehow, that made it _worse_.

"I c-can't commit, Dark, I… I don't know h-how to choose. I can't be a h-hero, I can't be n-neutral… I'm shit at being the bad guy, a-and… and I'm just _useless_ , aren't I? Why do you even p-put up with me…?"

Dark ran his fingers gently across Anti's back, hoping to soothe him- truthfully, he didn't know why he tolerated so much of the glitch's shenanigans. Interrupting pitch meetings, lollygagging on set, distracting those in the background from their tasks… he should loathe Anti for everything he stood for. He should resent him, and yet…

There was a part of Anti that reminded Dark of someone he sorely missed. Someone who cared far too much, someone naive enough to dedicate their life to a cause they wanted no part of, just because they thought it was the only way to get justice. Someone who would die to protect any of his extended family, even if they never appreciated the sentiment. Someone like…

"I see myself in you, Anti," Dark muttered lowly, running his fingers through Anti's dampened hair. "I see the man I could have been… you've so much potential, dear, I don't want to see you _waste_ it."

"B-but… I… I don't want to be a villain, Dark, I- it's so _shitty_ , and I don't c-care about hurting them, not _really-_ I j-just get these _urges_ , and… and h-how can I be anything but a b-bad person-?"

"Hush, Anti, _quiet_ …" Dark interrupted, using the fabric of his soaked shirt to rub away the dried blood that still clung to Anti's skin. "There isn't such a thing as bad, or good, you _must_ understand that. The one telling the story decides the fate of its characters- judges their motives, slanders them without their consent or knowledge… you aren't truly a villain until you _choose_ to become one. And if that is what would make you happy, I would urge you to embrace it…"

Anti closed his eyes, reaching up to wipe at his bleary eyes- but Dark caught his hands midway and held them warmly. He must have been imagining it, but… _no_ , it was real. A smile, so out of place on the usually stoic man's face, and a calming blue aura exuding from his body that washed over Anti's view of the room. _Blue…_ he'd never been so content to see the colour.

"But I've a feeling you don't truly want to be a villain, and that's _alright_. Life is ours to choose, as I always say… is that what's had you feeling so down? The idea that you're trapped in a storyline that belittles you…?"

Anti couldn't do much more than nod through his sobs, fingers fiddling nervously with the buttons of Dark's shirt beneath the water's surface. "E-every time I try b-being neutral to them, they… they just blame me f-for things I had no p-part of, a-and I… I don't _want_ to l-live in a place where they d-don't trust me… It… It _h-hurts_ …"

"I know, dear, I know…" Dark soothed, frowning as he rubbed Anti's skin between his fingers. It slipped away, weeping- and that most _certainly_ wasn't normal…

Anti hissed in pain and Dark was quick to comfort him, drawing him close so that they could embrace without their knees getting in the way. He hadn't been an affectionate man in a very long while, but something inside him seemed to change when Anti was around. Something that made him want to hold Anti, or run his fingers through his hair, or link their hands together. He craved the closeness that made his still heart flutter impossibly in his chest, and Anti was the only one he'd ever felt it for.

"Anti, did you get burns on your way here?" Dark asked gently, noticing that his skin was an entirely different texture now than it had been mere hours before. Pink and silvery and slightly rougher… no wonder Anti had thought the water was much too hot.

"N-no…" Anti muttered, sniffling as he caved into the hug despite the pain shooting through his body. At this point, he knew that the physical pain couldn't compare to the pain of being tortured by his own conscience. "But… Marv, he… cast a binding spell on me. It isn't meant to do any damage b-but he got so _angry_ , and… it m-must have… overloaded."

"Oh, Anti…" Dark sighed sadly, part of him growing more and more inclined to visit the Septiceyes himself and knock some common decency into them. But as much as the thought tempted him, he knew it wouldn't help Anti's case at all, and he cared much more about securing the situation than he did about making it worse.

"I'll have the doctor look over you when you wake," Dark promised, feeling Anti shiver once more, practically clinging to the worn, wet fabric of his shirt. Dark wasn't sure how he felt about being tugged, and he contemplated removing his shirt so that Anti could play with it freely- but he decided against it. He didn't want the already confusing relationship they shared to grow more complex, especially considering how distracting it already was.

"You d-don't need to do that for me…" Anti swallowed, shaking his head. "You're b-busy, and… and I shouldn't-"

"Hush, dear, let me speak," Dark urged, letting out a small sigh. "I figured I'd need to clarify what I meant earlier… You may be a terrible distraction from my goal, but… you truly bring out the best of me. The part I… I hadn't known I still possessed. For that, I must thank you..."

Anti frowned in confusion. "But-"

"No, Anti, let me take care of you, _please_ …" Dark insisted. "You can stay here as long as you need to, I'll provide you with everything you could possibly desire,"

"All I w-want is people who t-trust me... " Anti stammered out, sounding almost scared to say the sentence aloud. "And w-want to be near me, and… that's-"

"I trust you." Dark interceded, summoning a towel from the vanity and pulling the plug out of the drain. He wrapped the towel carefully around Anti's shoulders, gently drying him off, and gave him a look that he hoped conveyed acceptance. "And I _do_ want you near, no matter how brash and unforgiving I can be at times… I'm sorry, dear, for letting you feel so unwanted for so long…"

Anti let out a little laugh, though this time Dark felt it was genuine. Anti took the towel from Dark's hands, folding it around his waist as he made to stand- but Dark held him down.

"No you don't- I won't allow you to slip and fall on my watch," Dark chided, standing and letting the excess water drain from his clothes. Wearing his suit in the bath was impractical, yes, but it saved him a lot of internal questions he knew he'd need to answer eventually. But not yet. Not when there were more pressing things to worry about...

"You should get changed first," Anti mentioned, sighing in defeat. Perhaps he'd finally learned to admit to himself that he really needed help- maybe he just didn't want Dark to slip over as well. Still, Dark agreed, promising to be back in a few moments.

Lifting Anti from the tub was a lot harder than getting him in- but Dark didn't struggle. After getting dressed he'd cleaned up the blood from the bathroom tiles, put away his messy sheets and replaced them, all so that he could care for Anti with ease. He politely averted his eyes as Anti slipped into his nightclothes, though it was nothing he hadn't seen before- and despite the events that should have made things awkward, neither of them had ever been more content.

They lay together on Dark's bed, basking in the comfortable silence as Anti observed the way Dark's aura changed with the rise and fall of his chest. Bright, cyan blue, shifting into a warm ocean blue- flashing purple for a moment before it returned to a soothing, watery hue. Anti had never known how relaxing it could be to sit back and observe such a phenomenon, and it seemed that Dark didn't mind him staring.

He was glad.

And as Anti slept, the blue light never once wavered or faded. Dark remained- _Damien_ remained, watching over him and keeping him grounded by tracing his hand across Anti's skin, murmuring reassurances to him whenever he stirred. They were good for each other, anyone could see it. Maybe one day, when all of this was over…

"If I wasn't so deeply rooted in my cause, I…" Damien swallowed, speaking barely above a whisper. It was time to be honest to himself. Time to finally admit that the reason he cared so much for Anti, though terrifying to consider, was something he couldn't hope to control. He had dedication to his task, yes- his heart was cold, his mind twisted to seek revenge on the man who'd betrayed himself and his sister. But this new distraction was proving to be quite potent at warming him up from the inside, however impossible it should have been.

"I could love you, Anti. I find that I'm rather... _torn_ on the matter. After all the promises I made to the people I hold dear… if I choose between you, I would _lose_ one of you… I can't bear the very thought of it."

Damien shivered uncomfortably, not so used to confronting his own inner turmoil like this. "I suppose my decision is simply not to decide between you, to pretend as if this never… I'm _sorry_ , Anti. You deserve so much more than I can give to you, truly…"

But there was no use complaining about it. Life was his to choose, and he'd _made_ his choice.

Why did thinking of that fateful choice suddenly make him feel so blue?


End file.
